HealthyBea

Social Balance

I consider myself an introverted extrovert. I am comfortable showing up at an event by myself, leading discussions, and initiating social activities. However, those situations need to be limited in length and frequency. I am happy to join friends for a drink and dinner, but don’t expect me to stay out for a nightcap (unless that entails a quick ice cream…though I might prefer my dark chocolate at home while in PJs). I would love to join colleagues for a glass of wine after work, but it needs to be directly afterwards (no dilly dallying) and I will prioritise my 7:30 dinner time at home. 

Sunday brunch with the girls? Great! But that probably means I won’t be making Saturday plans. I so badly need my social moments to be balanced with solitude. I seek relief from the pressure of exerting my energy towards others. I don’t want anyone looking at me or expecting anything of me for a period of time after consistently focusing on others.

Last year was full of “big” things (think: wedding, new job) that required me to push my social boundaries. Desperate to go above and beyond to give everyone and everything my full dedication and attention, I threw the balance I knew I needed for myself out the window. I do not regret my decisions in any way, and in fact, I am proud of myself for powering through the craziness! 

But I entered 2025 with the mindset that I couldn’t maintain this grind. Not only was I feeling depleted in every way, but I was also beginning to resent anyone and anything that took up my time. And that is certainly not a healthy (or kind) way to live. So, as I mentioned in my “A New Year” post, I set a social limit to 2x events per week, including all things work, family, and friends. And for the most part I have been able to stick to this aside from a few exceptions, such as family holidays or friends visiting. 

But there have also been some weeks in which I don’t reach my social activity quota…I will admit that I love these weeks. If I didn’t, I would seek new plans. However, last weekend was different. I was so excited about a quiet weekend to myself to read, write, workout, cook, clean, etc. – you know, the typical girly weekend. Then I got bogged down by my own thoughts. At one point, I knew that speaking to a friend would help, but I was so convinced that this weekend was going to be social-free that I wouldn’t budge. 

Subsequently, I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts (The Liz Moody Podcast) and she mentioned a similar situation in her life, though recurring in her instance. This acknowledgement that speaking to or spending time with loved ones could help her overcome moments of stress, sadness, or mental challenges of any sort. And it reminded me of numerous situations where I pushed through my exhaustion or anxieties from the day to follow-through with social plans, only to feel so much better afterwards. 

Because “balance” is a loaded and ambiguous word, it is something we need to define for ourselves and for which to aim in every aspect of our lives – yes, even from a social perspective. So often we find ourselves either over or under committing, leaving us feeling exhausted, lonely, or unable to cope with challenges rationally. I believe that we should each fiercely protect our time, including finding the right proportion of friend-to-personal activity that best supports our needs. As you can see from today’s post, I am either “on it” with the best equation or stuck in my own world, unwilling to act when I need more interaction. 

Thankfully, my quiet weekend recently demonstrated to me that I might benefit from incorporating moments of connection with loved ones into my solo time. This lesson has encouraged me to set up more regular calls with my friends and family. A seemingly arduous task when I am committed to “doing my own thing,” it is already forcing me to step out of my own head and routine, and allowing me to build upon relationships while renewing my energy! I’d say that’s a winning combination. 

My advice to you is to sit down and contemplate what type of social activity energises you, with whom you enjoy spending them, and how frequently you’d like to engage. Then create a loose guideline to follow to ensure that you are meeting these goals each week. Most importantly, though, think about your exceptions. For whom and for what type of occasion or mood will you bend within your ideal week? If you haven’t reached our quota, but are feeling lonely or anxious, will you call your sister or go for a walk with a friend? In the case that your weekly social goal might overflow if you attend a colleague’s last minute birthday drinks, would you go? 

Obviously your mood and workload (personal or professional) will impact these decisions as well, but having a foundation to which to turn when under pressure should set you up for success. And similar to my recent weekend, you will learn when you don’t get it right and hopefully improve the next time you feel similarly. Ultimately, we’re all social creatures and need some sort of interaction. It’s up to each of us to decide what that looks like for ourselves.

Good luck!

Bea