HealthyBea

Assigning Weight

Does this title intrigue you? I love the concept, and I have a feeling you will as well by the end of this post.

Like most of us, I tend to “allow” many things to stress me out – people, events, schedules, workouts, you get the idea. An infinite number of sources! 

One day while venting about a former colleague causing me particular worries, my oh-so-wise husband introduced this (new to me) idea of “assigning weight” to this individual. He meant that I was granting her the privilege of negatively impacting me, when she in no way “deserved” to be permitted such attention or influence. And it’s true. Though we needed to work together productively and civilly, why was I worrying so much about her being kind to me and even accepting me? 

I will admit that my husband’s insight didn’t help too much in that scenario because while in the thick of it, I couldn’t really reflect on its significance and how to apply it. Luckily, I don’t have to deal with that colleague anymore, but of course a multitude of other stresses swiftly replaced her. 

Recently, though, I have been reflecting on my his words more and I think I have finally cracked it. Let me explain. While trying to fall asleep the other night, I was fixating on a friend who had increasingly been introducing negativity and criticism to our conversations. And then my thoughts transitioned into the consideration of why I was allowing that friend to steal my sleep. Why did I feel the need to maintain the friendship when I, well, didn’t want to? Why did I care so much about what he’d think of me if I let our interactions quietly slow down? 

The answer is that I was assigning him too much weight. 

If he was a longtime friend or close family member, then it would be understandable that I couldn’t sleep; I may have needed to strategise a game plan to mend whatever was going on. However, that isn’t the case – I have only known him for a few years. So why was I permitting him so much power over my thoughts? And suddenly, it clicked. I could finally apply my husband’s tip! It all seemed so simple. If I removed the significance of how he felt about me or how any decision I made could impact him (obviously being mindful of his feelings), then I didn’t need to worry anymore. I could remove the weight I had assigned to his opinion, and therefore reduce the the stress I allowed to build. I could finally fall asleep! 

Think about it in a business context. Do you have a particularly challenging client or colleague? Outside of completing each of your obligations for this individual within working hours, you must create a cutoff – a barrier when you leave the office. I am sure you know where this is going. If you allow this person to burden your mind during nights and weekends, you’re assigning him weight. And why is that? Why are you giving him that satisfaction? Why does he deserve that? 

Really consider this! It’s powerful stuff. Next time you feel the anger or anxiety creep in while trying to sleep or enjoy your Sunday coffee, analyse the authority you are granting this person to have over you. And actively think about how unproductive and unnecessary that is. Remove their burden, remove their power, remove their weight and focus on the important things, the important people in your life. Offer those people your thoughts and attention. 

I appreciate that this concept all comes down to a mindset, but isn’t that half of the battle in life? How we position situations in our minds? I challenge you to think about my husband’s framework and determine the authority you’re granting others so that you can remove or separate it from unnecessary life moments. Hopefully this will permit you to sleep soundly, enjoy your weekends, and maintain the relationships and obligations that really matter.

You got this!

All my best,

Bea