HealthyBea

Sensitivity in Communication

One recent interaction inspired this reflection, which then led me to think about the topic of “sensitivity” while communicating from a few different angles. Unless you know me pretty well, you may be surprised to hear that I fall on the side of occasional insensitivity. Frankly, I am known to tell it like it is. Though I have improved over the years (due to some harsh wake-up calls), I have a tendency to communicate my points a bit too directly. 

Think about your communication style. Do you typically find yourself on the giving or receiving end of insensitivity? Since I am sure many of us hover over the divisive line and touch both sides every so often, we all have an opportunity to improve. But before I provide advice to do so, let me share a few examples to explain each perspective. 

GIVING END

Ways in Which I Am Communicating Insensitively 

Scenario 1: Sharp

Sometimes I truly mean what I say, but could have positioned it softer, or with more care. “Nope, I don’t like this board game at all,” I might exclaim pleasantly, but matter-of-factly, after my sibling inquired. A kinder alternative may be, “it’s not my favourite game, but I appreciate spending time with you while learning about it!” There is value in speaking the truth, but also in doing so with kindness and eloquence. Remember that not everyone thinks and processes like you do…I need to remind myself of this often. Anyone with me here? 

Scenario 2: Misleading

But often I am so careless with my words and consequentially, others’ feelings that I mistakenly convince them to believe I mean something entirely different from what’s causing them sadness. For example, I might declare that “the commute to visit you is SO exhausting.” My intention is to explain how tired I am and receive validation about the long journey my friend has also taken many times. Instead, I offend her by misleading her to believe that this comment reveals the truth of what I am feeling: that the visit isn’t worth it. A less ambiguous and more thoughtful analysis of the journey could be something like, “wow, thank you for making this commute to me so many times. No doubt it’s worth the trek, but I am tired!” Same point, different message, happier friend, less strain on our relationship. Simple as that.

In Summary

We could all take more time to ponder our words more before speaking. Especially while tired or emotional, we don’t always consider how comments might impact our peers. Either from speaking too bluntly or without appreciation for how it may be perceived, we have the unfortunate capability of hurting others. Luckily, through additional thought and deliberation, we also have the power to communicate positively and with compassion. 

RECEIVING END

Reasons Why I Am Reacting Too Sensitively  

Scenario 1: Insecurity

I admit that a source of feeling sensitive to another’s comment is when it addresses an insecurity of mine. I can only reveal so much about myself in each post, so let’s pick a random example that doesn’t relate to me. Imagine temporarily working for a company or in a job of which you’re not proud. Someone at a party may simply be engaging in small talk while inquiring more about what you do. He has no idea that this topic is a source of contention for you, so it’s not exactly fair to respond in a way that makes him sorry for asking. Instead, politely answer and then move onto another topic. If he returns to the unwanted career chat, let him know that you’d rather speak about something else. Insecurities are deeply rooted, so it makes sense that we face difficulty in thinking clearly when someone unknowingly brings one up. It’s important to remember that reacting sensitively will only draw more attention to that topic. Maintain your cool and swiftly move on. 

Scenario 2: Personal Connection 

Another example of reacting dramatically to someone’s remark is when it relates to someone or something very close to me. I likely will not respond rationally if my colleague expresses personal distaste for huge families. Honestly, fair point, and I am sure you have your reasons, but I am pretty darn proud of my baseball team. Instead of responding with offense, though, I need to remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Avoid taking the comment personally because different upbringings and backgrounds shape unique perspectives. You should offer that person the benefit of the doubt until he is objectively commenting unkindly or harmfully. At that point, it’s best to remove yourself from the conversation entirely. 

In Summary 

Remember that people’s comments and curiosity are typically not an attack on you, but rather a genuine interest in learning more and establishing a connection. Additionally, they may be sharing their opinions without knowing or considering their audience. It’s not the best practice, but we have all made that mistake, so we must remember that we’re all imperfect and deserve grace. 

At the end of the day, we’re never going to get it right 100% of the time, but we can try. And that’s all I am encouraging each of us to do. Let’s work on our communication skills so that we can deliberately build each other up instead of accidentally tearing one another down. I am right there beside you trying to put in the work.

All my best,

Bea