HealthyBea

Handling Work Conflict

I am excited to share that this is the first post I have written at the request of a reader. Thank you for trusting me to provide insight into the important (and typically stressful) topic of difficult workplace discussions. I hope this helps!

I’d like to begin by recognising the incredible colleagues and professional environments I have been SO lucky to experience thus far. I haven’t faced an abundance of truly difficult or uncomfortable work tension, but of course I have seen my fair share. If you care enough to be reading this post, I can guarantee that you were not involved in any of these particular situations, so don’t sweat it – you’re in the clear 😉

The best way I can approach advice here is by providing a check-list or step-by-step process for you to explore when you find yourself in a sticky professional conflict that needs to be handled. So, let’s jump in!

The Process to Address Work Conflict

1. Discuss with a Confidant: 
   1. Though HR might object, I believe that venting and explaining the scope of the situation to a trusted friend (outside of the workplace) is a productive initial step. I do NOT recommend discussing with your work bestie just yet so that you can contain drama in the office as much as possible. Trust me, I know it’s tempting, but you never know how news will travel, even by accident. 
   2. Sharing the issue with your closest friend or family member not only allows you the space to verbalise the situation, but it also provides a forum for third party feedback and perspective. They might be able to help you reframe or reevaluate the source of your problem. Are you maybe being too sensitive? Could you solve the issue without bringing anyone else into the equation? Or is it truly as wrong as you believe, if not more? 
2. Take a Breather: 
   1. Never grant someone else the satisfaction of losing your cool. No matter how angry, upset, or frustrated you are, remember you are in the workplace, not your high school locker room. You now have to consider your reputation much more seriously and you’re stronger than allowing yourself to break you down in front of colleagues. 
   2. Go for a walk, sleep it off, distract yourself and reconsider the situation when you’re in a calmer headspace. Still need to bring the difficult conversation to the office? Great! (I mean not great, but fine, you did the work and confidently know the situation needs to be addressed). 
3. Prepare:
   1. Whatever you do, do NOT walk into the conversation without first having a) thought through how you will explain your concerns and b) collected evidence, examples, or proof to back up your claim.
   2. Especially while stuck in a vulnerable situation, you do not want to be caught off guard and allow a colleague to take advantage of your sensitive state.
4. Consider:
   1. Before diving into the steps to actively engage in your difficult discussion, it’s helpful to first to think about those in your office who would stick up for you if the upcoming situation or conversation does not run perfectly according to plan. 
   2. Do you have a more senior colleague who could jump in to be your sounding board or ally? Does anyone else already know about the situation you’re about to address? Understanding this information may ease some anxiety about the residual impact of your discussion. 
5. Execute:
   1. Okay, we’ve finally arrived at the point that you’ve been patiently awaiting: how to actually have that difficult work converstion. 
   2. Especially as an American, I am tempted to add plenty of pleasantries (aka fluff). I do believe in fluff in moderation, but it can definitely be overdone. Think of it as the bread of a sandwich. Whether it’s mentioning an upcoming holiday or complimenting your colleague’s colourful shoes, break the bread with a positive note before jumping into the meat, or purpose of the meeting. Don’t forget to complete your sandwich! Conclude with a positive or constructive note: thank them for their time, discuss the productive steps you will be taking moving forward, etc.
   3. Next, highlight the topic you’d like to discuss and then dive in. Try to keep anything personal out of the discussion. Don’t focus on your feelings because it will only make the conversation more difficult for you. At least for me, when I try to make it anything other than strictly business, I get too emotional. Either from being abundantly disappointed or passionate about the topic. When making big decisions or working towards significant change, it’s best to remain neutral and speak objectively. 
   4. An important piece of advice that my friends and family have previously reminded me is to stop overly focusing on protecting colleagues’ feelings. Absolutely do not forget about respect, but also remember that you have to fight for yourself. Tired of being kicked around by your coworker? Stop letting them. However, do not fall into the trap of speaking poorly about the indivdual. I know it can be easy when you’re on the topic and feel as though you need to air your grievances. But remember, you are no longer speaking to your trusted confidant and you have grown past those high school locker room days. Be kind and courteous when speaking about other humans at work.
6. Follow-Up:
   1. Inevitably, you will have some homework to accomplish as next-steps following your chat. This may include providing more proof, pushing a project forward, or achieving a goal. Whatever it may be, do not let the ball drop. 
   2. You already did the scary thing. No matter how it went, you just accomplished something big. You faced a stressful or uncomfortable work situation. This is your time to use your momentum, energy, and/or confidence to execute whatever it may be to follow-through and close the loop. 
   3. This way, you will not only make the best of the situation, but also build trust and be better positioned for the next conflict. 

This is one area of business that I admit not having perfected. It’s uncomfortable and I have a difficult time separating my emotions from professional work. I care deeply about my job, reputation, and progression. But I also care about maintaining positive relationships. Sometimes I fear these two aspects are mutually exclusive when working with difficult individuals. Ultimately (and unfortunately), this may be true at times. But, in business, I know that sometimes I do need to put the former (me) before the latter (them).

A final note to say, let’s make a promise to each other and to ourselves to work our hardest to ensure we are never the source of pain or worry for our colleagues. 

I got this, you got this, we got this ❤ 

Best,

Bea