HealthyBea

Are You Actually Doing Too Much?

My oh so impressive mentee is beginning her solicitor apprenticeship in the fall, which involves working at a law firm on top of university classes. She has been involved in numerous extracurricular committees throughout her last few years of school and she hopes to stay involved as much as possible during her upcoming studies. 

Two weeks ago I advised her to be careful with overcommitting. Not because she couldn’t make it all work, but because she maybe shouldn’t. This bright young woman is going to begin an intensive program, including meeting new people, experiencing a different environment, and commuting over an hour from home most days. I am not sharing this to brag about her (that’s only a plus). Instead, I am setting up the scene to better explain today’s piece about deciphering when you’re saying “yes” to too much.

While working at Food Network in NYC, I wanted to begin exercising at Equinox. For those of you who don’t know what Equinox is, picture the most beautiful hotel you’ve ever seen and then transform it into a gym…yup. This elite workout chain is the crème de la crème of fitness spaces. No surprise, it comes with a considerable price tag at no less than $200 a month. Thinking about it now, that doesn’t seem too extreme if you consider the sum total of your weekly fitness classes, but during that phase of my life, it might as well have cost $1,000 – there was no way I would invest. However, if you know me, you know I don’t give up that easily…and that I am quite thrifty. I thought to myself, well, they surely must not charge their employees a membership fee, right? Can you guess what happened next? 

After gaining my manager’s approval to work nights or early mornings surrounding my day job, I found myself standing in the Rockefeller Center Equinox inquiring about a position. Had I applied before I walked in there? Nope. Did I know if they were hiring? No. I boldly waltzed in and asked for an interview. Next thing I knew, I was emailing my new boss the very limited hours I could squeeze in on top of my 9-5. Too easy. My plan worked. That is, until it didn’t. 

It quickly dawned on me that if I was greeting members at the gym from 4-9am before my real job, then working a normal 9:30-6ish, my only time to socialise, meal prep, and sleep would need to occur in the small window of 6:30-9pm (to ensure I could wake up and do it all over again). See the issue here? When was I going to workout at the fancy new gym I was now part of? Wasn’t that the whole point? 

I quit the night before I was supposed to start my first shift. And it was one of the best decisions of my life. 

Now, I am not encouraging quitting in any way. In fact, I am writing to help you prevent the need to do so in the first place. However, I am also writing to give you permission when necessary. 

Considering my next decision years ago to work a second job (this time actually following through) to save as much money as possible before my big move to study in England, I know the feeling of overwork and overwhelm all too well. And recently, it rushed back in. I have returned to that rocky boat. I am doing too much. I am advising my mentee to be careful while currently falling victim to the very issue.

I have certain commitments with which I need to follow through for the remainder of the year and I will be able to do so. However, they admittedly are not giving me the freedom to concentrate as much as I’d like on the things that are fiercely important to me. I am making sacrifices because I thought I could do it all. Luckily, my husband is incredible and offers me the space to wake up very early and work long days and weekends, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best decision for either of us. 

Until I follow through with certain promises, all I can do is approach these long days with the energy and excitement that encouraged me to begin them in the first place. Ultimately, that’s what I owe each person with whom I am interacting and importantly, that’s what I owe myself. Without this approach, it feels too heavy. 

To all my readers, I don’t write about this topic today to complain about my situation, but rather to invite you to consider how new commitments will affect every aspect of your life before you decide to follow through with them. Additionally, it wouldn’t be a HealthyBea post without some tips, so below are a few to help you manage a schedule that can feel overwhelming at times. 

How to Mitigate the Overwhelm of Busy Schedules

1. Limit Distraction: Whether it’s TV, social media, gaming, etc., we all have our vices. Each of these distractors are completely fine if moderated and turned to purposefully, but can be detrimental to productivity when approached impulsively. Use them as a reward for 30 minutes – 1 hour at the end of the day or strictly on weekends. I recommend removing them from your proximity (i.e. delete apps) so that they aren’t as tempting to pick up outside of the schedule you set for yourself. 
2. Prioritise Health: Take care of yourself before you take care of others. I don’t care how selfish that sounds. It’s not. If you expect to show up to everyone and offer your full attention, you must have first done the work on yourself. For example:
   1. Get enough sleep and read before bedtime
   2. Stay hydrated 
   3. Meditate or pray
   4. Limit processed food & alcohol
   5. Increase protein & veggies 
   6. Move your body
3. Block Sections of Each Day: I don’t like to set specific daily goals for each of my tasks. It’s too much pressure and tends to reduce the quality of my work. Instead, I schedule blocks. For example, while I eat breakfast during the 9-11am time slot, I will work on XYZ, lunch time & coffee around 1-3pm includes another project, during my afternoon snack at 4-5:30pm I will focus on something else. I schedule loosely the night before each day and don’t stop until my head hits the pillow at 10pm. Knowing I have a concrete plan to touch each of my tasks is the only way I can calm my mind before attempting to sleep.
4. Squeeze in Moments of Joy: Honestly, what is life without some fun?! Ensure you can maintain your passion and drive by fitting in social plans and moments of relaxation or small luxuries. Schedule dinner with your best friend, go out for a drink with your colleagues, have a date night with your partner, get your nails done, treat yourself to an ice cream cone. Whatever makes you happy, ensure you add these events to your days and weeks. Trust me, it makes all the difference. I often find that they (particularly socialising) help me get out of my head; connectivity tends to replace my negativity. That’s what your people are there for! Don’t forget about them 🙂 

So, next time you’re considering whether you should commit to something new, truly think through its impact on you physically, socially, and mentally. My advice is usually “be bold and go for it!” Sometimes, though, we need to say no if the activity won’t serve us long-term. But if you are currently “stuck” in doing “too much,” remember that there is always an end in sight. Offer your best by taking care of yourself, working hard, and keeping your people close. It will be worth it in some way once you complete the tasks at hand. You got this ❤

Much love,

Bea