Form Your Own Judgements
How often do your peers (friends, family, colleagues) prime (or warn in some cases) you about a certain person you’ve yet to meet? Or might you be the one to prepare others? Now think about just how significantly this alters your opinion of that person before you even meet.
Sure, there are details about people which are necessary to understand before your initial interaction. Odd habits that could cause confusion, specific details about their history that they don’t enjoy discussing, etc. Fine. That’s helpful information. Or how about explaining just how lovely, kind, intelligent someone is. Even better!
But too often these are not the types of descriptions provided, are they? Typically the comment has something to do with how intense, conceited, rude, *insert any negative adjective* the person tends to be. Think about it. Are you guilty of spreading negative remarks about someone without giving others a chance to form their own opinion of that person? Now consider it this way: are you being helpful, or simply preventing the prospect of a respected relationship?
I am in no way saying I am perfect and don’t criticise a person when describing them. I do and I am working on it. But recently I have reflected upon just how restrictive it would be if I let another person’s warning of someone I was about to meet impact how I approach my first conversation with that individual. It’s one thing to come with these thoughts in the back of my mind, but another to allow them to constrict my ability to form my own judgements, to form my own relationships.
Too often negative perspectives are unique to an individual based on a particular situation (or multiple) they encountered, but don’t truly represent the person. Did one unfortunate incident at work alter your opinion of a colleague? That’s fair and valid, but it doesn’t mean someone else should be restricted from the opportunity to come to their own conclusion about that individual without your bias.
I can think of very specific recent scenarios in which I could have fallen prey to allowing evaluations of others impact how I converse with them. Instead, I made a conscious effort to push them aside and offer the individuals an objective chance to prove themselves to me. Can you guess the result? I was able to develop a much different (and more positive) opinion of that person! I was able to form my own connection with that person! I am not invalidating the very real stories and opinions people have shared with me, but I am proactively offering my respect and an open mind before determining my judgment.
So, next time you’re briefed about someone’s bad habits, park the insight to one side and meet the individual where they are. Who knows? You might be surprised by the degree to which your perception is different. You may have a new favourite friend, colleague, family member. Conversely, when you’re asked to describe someone’s characteristics in the future, consider how much you should share before giving your peer an opportunity to form his own opinion.
Food for thought!
Much love,
Bea
HealthyBea 
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