HealthyBea

Are You Projecting?

Do you ever find yourself in a situation that involves a person you love interacting for the first time with another peer in your circle? Considering this specific moment, how often are you worried about how one side will behave due to a potentially significant difference – whether that be personality, cultural, religious, political?

Will your friend or family member say something offensive? Will they embarrass you? Will they be a good reflection of you? The “fear list” as I will define it, is endless. But have you ever stopped to identify the root cause of these concerns? I hadn’t until a series of recent exchanges, which I won’t dive into this time around, but will let you in on the truth of my realisation: 

Occasionally my concerns about how someone will behave in a certain scenario are in no way reflective of that person’s true behaviour or tendencies, but instead my own. 

I can replay moments in my past when I interacted with someone in exactly the same way I worry that my peer will conduct himself in a similar situation. These instances include those in which I have witnessed myself grow, resulting in my heightened sensitivity to others making the same “missteps.” How is that fair? Why can’t I default to giving the people I love a chance without jumping to conclusions that have nothing to do with them? Because, my dear friends, I am projecting!! 

You may wonder why I seem excited about this unfortunate habit. Well, now that I have reflected and identified the origin, I can work on it. And isn’t that one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves? Now that I understand that my concerns about others at times have nothing to do with them and ALL to do with me, I can stop in my tracks. I can offer people a fair chance. I can stop stressing every party involved about behaving in a specific manner. This insight allows me to extend the trust, respect, and love I have for people in my life. It may prevent tension and offer credit to those who have continuously proven themselves (exactly as they are) to me. 

So, next time you are worried about how someone in your life will interact with another in your group, dig a little deeper to understand where that fear is rooted. Take a moment to internalise the situation and only then make a decision about how you should prepare yourself and your friends. Who knows, maybe no prep or warning is needed. And how simple does that make everything?

You got this!

Bea