HealthyBea

Confidence Can Be Taught

Do you consider yourself a confident person? Well, I suppose one’s level of confidence can range, though, so let me rephrase. Contemplate your characteristics and qualities. Do you take pride in at least half of them? Or, do you have a few with which you are extraordinarily content? Well then you’re lucky; those count in my world. You are a confident person. But whether you fall into this bucket or not, I am sure many of us still have room to grow.

I started reflecting upon this topic a few weeks ago when I attended a work training. One of the speakers was an incredible presenter. She spoke with confidence and energy, engaging the crowd with jokes and entertaining, but relevant, examples of each lesson. I could feel her passion for and knowledge of what she was sharing. This woman wanted to be there to facilitate our learning, and she wanted us to understand. 

I stopped by afterwards to complement her skills, and she replied truthfully that this gave her a huge sense of relief because she spent the whole presentation criticising herself internally. She was convincing herself that she wasn’t excelling, no one was learning, and worse – no one was buying her credibility. I was shocked! From the outside this woman was beaming with confidence, but on the inside, she was allowing self-doubt to take over. It made me deeply sad, but mainly because I was, and am, certain that this battle isn’t unique to her. I know so many of us also carry the burden. “Imposter syndrome” is the term thrown around in the workplace. This idea that we aren’t good enough to be in the department, company, level, conversation in which we find ourselves. 

While listening to a (Liz Moody) podcast about The World’s Most Successful People, the renowned performance psychologist, Dr. Michael Gervais explains that “confidence is a trainable skill.” This claim caught my attention instantly. I LOVE the idea, and really believe it. We all have the ability to be confident. We just have to commit to it. But that, my friends, starts from the inside. We have to decide that we are worthy, smart, fun, pretty, {insert any adjective} enough. Period. It does not begin with us believing that we are any of these things enough to accomplish XYZ. No, we are worthy enough to do anything, be anyone. I don’t mean to misguide you, though. I am not saying you shouldn’t be realistic about what’s achievable, but you should have the confidence to know that you are enough to set big goals for yourself, and you are enough to embrace whatever uncomfortable scenario in which you’re presiding.

But it wouldn’t be a “HealthyBea” blog post if I didn’t offer some tangible tips, so here we go.

Tips To Build Your Confidence

1. Remove FOPO: I appreciate this acronym from Dr. Gervais, meaning “fear of people’s opinions,” because I am absolutely guilty of the feeling. How often do you let it prevent you from embarking on a specific goal or activity? The presence of certain people have previously stifled my confidence and ambition. I can’t say I am completely “cured” of this fear because it runs deep, but I have identified it in myself and know how to dismantle it. Here are a few lines of which I remind myself in stressful environments when this negative emotion creeps in:
   •  “Nobody cares what you do, and really, no one is listening”
     • I know this is hyperbolic, but there is some truth to it. People are paying attention to you much less than you assume. Consider this to reduce at least some intimidation of public settings.
   • “No one is better than you”
     • If you take one lesson away from this post, please choose this one. Let me repeat, no one is better than you. So don’t for a second allow others to make you feel inferior. I don’t care what they have accomplished, what level of seniority they are, or how much money they have. We are all worthy of the same respect and love. 
   • “Everyone has their demons”
     • You’re not alone in your insecurities. Everyone is battling their own burdens. No one is perfect, so let’s stop pretending and instead find comfort knowing that we are all in the same boat in one way or another. 
2. Dress to Impress: You don’t need to wear the trendiest or priciest outfit, you just need to show up in a way that makes you feel your best and demonstrates effort. Think about how much more energy you bring to the table when you are confident in how you look when walking into a room. 
3. Take Care of Yourself: From exercising and eating to socialising and relaxing, you know what you need to feel amazing. Maintain these productive habits and I am sure not only will you feel the positive results, but also the world when you show up as your best self. 
4. Don’t Let Yourself Down: Do you ever make a promise to yourself and fail to follow through? Would you have treated your best friend like that? It’s not selfish to commit to yourself because it is much easier to show up for others if you first show up for yourself. You’re the only one who you can guarantee won’t ever let you down. Why abuse that power? Make realistic goals for yourself and never let go. You might be surprised by how much more powerful you feel as a result. 
5. Accept Yourself Fully: You were born a unique (and amazing!) human being. There are, of course, many things you can (and should) do to improve yourself mentally and physically. However, you reach a point where you have to accept the person that you are. Practice loving not only your positive characteristics, but also those slightly less convenient or helpful. Life is hard enough. People are critical enough. Do yourself a favour and make your life a bit easier by practicing self-acceptance and self-love. 
6. Be Kind & Helpful: I am not only a better human, but I feel much more confident in myself when I commit to others. No matter the scenario involving other people, think about how you can offer them the kindness and attention you’d hope to receive to feel your best. How do you want to feel leaving an encounter, and what do you want the other person to take away? This is especially difficult when you’re not feeling your best, but (maybe selfishly) remember the personal positive impact of being there for others. 

Now go out there and embrace the wonderful person that you are! 

Much love,

Bea