HealthyBea

Wedding Alterations

I have always felt a little bit sad for people inclined to change their bodies before their wedding day. From restrictive diets to excessive exercise, it seems stressful and contrary to the point. I thought your wedding photos were supposed to represent you in your normal, healthy everyday body. Sure, you might be careful and skip the second slice of cake, but why avoid the first one? Your wedding day, look, and feel should represent you! Yes, the you in your very best light, but still – not an idealised version of you. Readers may not agree, and that’s absolutely fine. It’s your opinion, and your wedding. Who cares what anyone else thinks? 

Let me give you some background.

Since the day I considered marriage seriously (around 6 years ago), I told myself that I wouldn’t fall into that “trap.” I refused to transform my body for one day and then unravel shortly after. I wanted to enjoy every moment of marriage prep, including loving my body in whichever dress I chose. Years later and in the thick of it, I will admit that as my wedding quickly approaches, I am certainly less flexible with my food and workout routine. But I am still me – chocolate on the regular, carbs a few times a day, loads of protein, fats, and veg. Baked goods, edible cookie dough, chips (as in fries), and wine when I want it. 

I have been content, maintaining the expectation I set for myself years ago. That is, until my last dress fitting. 

With my sleeves a bit tighter, and bodice slightly askew, I learned that I had gained more muscle. Normally in life, building muscle is a positive. It’s healthy. Progress. Not this time. Not when you’re being fit for a couture wedding dress. My seamstress reprimanded me, demanding I stop lifting weights to ensure my dress fits perfectly in 6 weeks. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if she was incorrect. She told me what I needed to hear, but she also left out what I needed to believe: that I didn’t do anything wrong. I maintained my normal routine like I had promised myself so many years ago. But in this moment not only was she telling me I now had to break this promise by interrupting my routine to fit into the dress, but she led me to believe I was weak or unfocused as a result of working hard. 

If anyone knows me, they can vouch for the fact that I throw myself into every endeavor to ensure that if I fail it’s not for lack of relentless work. But to hear someone tell me that as I was in fact giving my all and believing I was succeeding, but in reality failing…that was tough to swallow. 

Ultimately, this demand may have been a blessing in disguise. My first week of just cardio + pilates/sculpt has been great. I don’t miss the heavy lifting. That’s the positive. However, that’s not the point. The point is that I still feel lingering hurt, defeat, and embarrassment. But more importantly, it’s a reminder to me, and by extension to you, my reader, that life isn’t consistent. In order to succeed (defined as you see fit), we must be flexible and offer ourselves grace over and over again. We have goals and images of ourselves down the line, but the reality is that we can’t control or expect everything. That’s a hard fact for me to accept, but I have to. We have to. 

So I leave you here to remember that none of us have it all figured out. All we can do is our best and then our next best when that’s not enough. 

We got this. That I am sure of. I believe in you. I believe in me.

Love always,

Bea